Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
