she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize