how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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