In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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