Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
