I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
