for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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