how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
