So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
