somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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