college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
