Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
