he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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