Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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