I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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