Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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