somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
