it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
