I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
