I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
