Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
