So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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