I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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