that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
