If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize