where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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