why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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