dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
