Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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