I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
