pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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