Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
