there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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