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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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