Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am naked and annoyed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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