Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
