my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You smell like stripper and shame
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
