He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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