All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
did you just send me my own nude
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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