everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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