Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
