I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
