This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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