What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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