your thong is hanging out like whoa
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
