can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
