So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
