Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
