i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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