everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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