You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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