Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
