Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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