New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
