WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
