So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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