im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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