My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
