yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
