Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
