I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
