Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
