There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
