she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
