I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
