Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
