just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
