okay pat passed out under dana's car
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
