I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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