If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
