its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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