I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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