I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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