Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
