hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
