If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
