Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
